


Hardest of Hearts

by kxneki



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Boy Meets World spinoff, M/M, Teen Wolf AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-22
Updated: 2012-08-22
Packaged: 2017-11-12 16:04:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/493094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kxneki/pseuds/kxneki
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"And this is when you hug somebody," Stiles continues, because if Derek isn't moving or talking, Stiles has to fill the void with something, words are what he chooses, "when you care about them."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hardest of Hearts

Stiles wants to laugh. To break the tense air of silence that has fallen over them as they stand there. Derek's more stiff than usual, more weary and worn down. There are tears in Stiles' eyes. He can feel them making wet trails down his cheeks, and further down his neck. Derek's told him everything, everything he was looking for that would tie together the missing pieces of the Hale fire, and all the things he wanted to know, but regrets it now. 

It's the anniversary of Laura's death, and Stiles is surprised that it's been a whole year since everything has happened. He's there for Derek, because when it was Stiles in his spot, Derek had known. Crawling through his window, dragging him to his feet and into his car. He didn't want to socialize, he just wanted to sleep and be alone. Derek wouldn't have that, and Stiles thought it was some sort of pack meeting. But it ended up with the two of them at the cemetery, standing over his mother's tombstone and Derek listening while Stiles spilled it all. 

They were just in the beginnings of getting to know each other aside from the death threats and through mutual adrenaline rushes as they fought off whatever creatures popped up. But that was a big catalyst in the right direction, and Derek had even let it go when Stiles had called him his friend without noticing it until it was out in the open. Stiles got to know the different sides to Derek, ranging from an angry-glare look (his normal look according to Stiles), to his very rare genuinely-tolerant look. 

So Stiles would be damned if he didn't return the favor for Derek. He shows up later in the day, when everyone else is off either at the lacrosse game or hanging out, or whatever the pack likes to do with their spare time. The sun is setting, casting various hues of purple and orange throughout the sky. Derek opens the door just as Stiles had landed foot on the first step, as if he was expected. It makes a warm sensation pool in the pit of his stomach, and Stiles doesn't know if he wants it there or not. 

Derek doesn't say anything at first, making Stiles shift from foot to foot with nerves, chewing on his lip. He wonders if Derek was nervous when the tables were turned, but dismisses the idea because Derek Hale may have somewhat of a humanity left, but he doesn't have the resolve to allow himself to get shaken up. Stiles opens his mouth to speak when Derek cuts him off with a sigh. Stiles only then notices the bags under his eyes, purple-ish and puffy, and how he looks like he might fall apart at any second. 

"Stiles," Derek starts, his voice raspy and broken.

Stiles nods at him, urging him to continue.

"What do you know about the fire?"

This takes Stiles off-guard, because of all the things Derek would want to talk about, this wasn't what he expected. He stutters, "Uh," furrowing his brow and gnawing on the inside of his cheek for a moment, "it happened approximately seven years ago..." he trails off, and Derek lets out an exasperated sound.

" _Stiles_." 

He says it in the way he would normally, showing how irritated he's getting, using it as a warning. But this is different, it holds no bite, and barely a bark at all. It sends tiny shivers that feel like spiders crawling up Stiles' spine.

Stiles clears his throat, trying to prepare himself for whatever Derek is wanting to discuss, and maybe trying to buy himself a bit of time. But no matter how long he takes, Derek is standing there, beside him with sad eyes and a frown on his face, not hinting at irritation at all.

"Kate was responsible-" The sound of Derek's dark, constricted and cracking chuckle stops him mid-sentence. It sounds the way an animal would when dying, helplessly moaning in attempt to cope with agony. It's scary, the man that Stiles' knows to be the strongest guy around, crumbling right there with Stiles bearing witness. It's sick, and makes bile rise up in the back of Stiles' throat.

He wants to question, to ask so much, but not say anything at all. So he stays there, letting Derek try to lead the way to wherever the two of them are going, no matter how dark it may be. Derek starts talking, low sounding, choked up and Stiles wants to know if he's crying. The thought brings a sting to his own eyes.

"Do you want to know how?" It's the most pain-filled question Stiles has ever heard, he doesn't know if it's rhetorical, and he's too afraid to speak. Derek smiles this twisted, ugly smile that makes Stiles' skin crawl and he wants to get rid of it.

"I was in love with her."

Stiles has to really focus at this, make sure his senses are working and that he heard correctly. He gasps sharply, Derek's announcement hitting a deep place in Stiles, and it hurts. He starts thinking back to how Derek was always protective over Scott with the Allison situation, how Derek was always closed off and literally recoiled whenever anyone showed him any sort of affection. How hard it was to earn his trust. He starts thinking up all sorts of ideas in his mind, the gears clicking on and revolving in his mind. He wants to see, to know every fact and detail of what Derek's telling him, it's instinctual, his brain trained to search and question for answers. But he won't do that to Derek, he will let Derek tell him, let the information be received rather than found.

"I- God, she was everything to me. I was," Derek's voice is high and squeaky, his Adam's apple bobbing, trying to control his voice and words, but seemingly lost in the signals from his brain to his mouth, "I was gullible. Trusting. I didn't know any better." The tone has changed in that moment, now to something hard, and hateful.

Though Stiles has pretty much pieced it together, Allison having told Scott or him somewhere along the line in their friendship that Kate had been a substitute teacher at some point. He doesn't know if he's heard it firsthand but that information sticks out to him like a ripe apple waiting to be picked. Derek is saying something, but the words don't register through to Stiles' dulled ears, and blurry, wet eyes. He only hears the sound. The sound of bitterness and resentment and anger that Derek is throwing at himself. 

But it stops. The tone, the voice, Derek has stopped. Stiles realizes that it's because Stiles has his arms wrapped around him, though he doesn't remember moving at all. He can feel the shallow breaths that Derek takes, the puffs of anger faded to something less ragged. He's not warm, he's not cold, and somehow it feels like it fits. They fit, standing there in the middle of the night, Derek limp against Stiles, who is shaking, trying to be stable enough for them both.

Stiles thinks he should probably say something to make this less awkward, say something to ease Derek through his emotions.

"This is a hug, okay" Stiles starts, and usually Derek would snort obnoxiously at Stiles' obvious-ness, but Stiles is whispering, almost to where no one could possibly hear, but he knows Derek can, "This is a hug." He reiterates with a slight squeeze, and Derek's shoulders fall out of their hold, their tension. Derek's letting go of some of the weight that Stiles figures he's held for a while. 

"And this is when you hug somebody," Stiles continues, because if Derek isn't moving or talking, Stiles has to fill the void with something, words are what he chooses, "when you  _care_ about them," his voice is shaky, watery and cracking, and at that Derek actually shifts. Stiles prepares to get pushed off, thrown into the nearest tree or actually torn apart, but Derek moves, relaxing into Stiles. His arms wrap around Stiles lazily, almost too slack to care about anything, but Stiles is in Derek's hold now. And it is warm, Derek's warm, and the heat is enveloping Stiles all over.

"And you want them to know that." Stiles finishes, the puffs of breath against the flesh of his neck has slowed now, more relaxed, and Stiles realizes he's stopped shaking, and that he's  _hugging_ Derek Hale. It hits him, just then, when the high-emotions are subsiding and the crickets are chirping around them. But Derek doesn't move, so neither does Stiles.

Stiles stays there, holding him and being held back, until Derek pulls away, looking less like he was dying, and holding himself up a bit straighter.

Neither of them say a word as Stiles follows Derek inside, or about how Derek is pulling him by the hand, not letting go for the world. Stiles can feel Derek's heart beat against his own, thumping in different tunes against each other's skin.

And yeah, Stiles thinks, if this is how Derek needs him to be there for him, then he's not going to complain.

**Author's Note:**

> Boy Meets World episode "Cult Fiction." http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OmheHpdxDX0


End file.
